Why Leaving is Better Than Hurting: A Look at Difficult Decisions in Relationships


Leilani Calderon, Staff Writer

I feel like a lot of us know that we should leave a situation if it’s hurting us, but it’s easier said than done. I remember I used to always say, “Well, just leave,” because I never realized how hard it was to leave until I was put in that position. I stayed with someone for three years even though it was an abusive relationship because I thought that was my safe space.

No one talks about how comfortable you are with that person to the point where it makes it easy to stay, because although, yes, they’re bad for you, they also became your home. You become so familiar with them and their actions that in your mind it’s like, “Well, I can handle this again,” until you can’t, because eventually they’ll push you to your limit.

At times it’s hard to leave because sometimes that’s all you know, that’s all you’ve seen. Most people who are put in this cycle have been shown that it’s okay to be treated like this. Some weren’t shown genuine love as a kid so this cycle can be mistaken for love due to all the highs in the relationship. It’s hard to leave something like that, but it’s necessary, because love shouldn’t hurt you physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Even after you leave it’s still hard since everything that you’ve been through is still there, and there’s this huge guilt at times. You may even blame yourself, but it’s not your fault. If you do notice signs that you’re in something toxic you should leave. It’s better to deal with someone’s absence than to put yourself through something you don’t deserve. It may be extremely hard, but I promise it’s worth it. You’ll be able to grow and heal in peace. You’ll become a better version of yourself, a stronger version.

If  you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233